Giving up

Attachment and Detachment are vital concepts in Spirituality. All spiritual books say that there should not be an attachment to any thing in life. But, I have redefined the concept to suit the modern life. Attachment to important things in life can really propel our life towards  glory. It is also important to detach and give up the undesirable things in life.

I have been using the detachment concept from last week. There were two things that I loved in my life, Cricket and Television. I decided to give up those things to concentrate more in my studies. I got attached to my studies and suddenly my life looks brighter. Detachment to television and cricket has given me more time to study and more importantly provides mental clarity.

Change was tough at the beginning. I was finding it difficult to control my desires and sensations. Living in a joint family further complicated my situation. My parents and relatives watch television when they are in humdrum. My  problem was that I always wanted television while eating. I also found that I was interested in  watching cricket. So, I stopped reading cricket blogs and blocked cricinfo website. This led to more self control in my life.

One thing that I realized was that being idle is the root cause to attachment to leisure activities. So, I always kept myself busy for a better life. I concentrated  more in my studies and I was happy after writing exams. I didn't watch television even for a minute and I have  lost the urge to watch television. All it takes is just a few seconds of television to once again get attached to it.

Being busy is an important way to bolster the detachment to many things in life.

Never give up

Giving up is facile. Clinging to a difficult thing is tedious. But, giving up doesn't bring glory, confidence and value in life. Giving up destroys and shatters the confidence of a person. Not giving up and clinging to a difficult thing takes so much of courage and will power.

Most of our nightmares do not come true. But, my nightmares did not contain cruel dinosaurs, terrible monsters and ghosts. In my childhood days, I had a nightmare. I would wake up at midnight and cry in fear. The nightmare went like this:

Students were giggling. A few girls started moaning," Poor Fellow".

My teacher showed a baffling facial expression.

I was the cynosure of the class.

I was struggling to speak.

I was frightened of this nightmare.

This nightmare came true when I was forced to contest for class leader in my 7th grade. My teacher thought that I was a perfect person to be a class leader. But, little did she know about my nightmares and my way of speaking. Few girls were mumbling, "Poor Fellow" and a few students were shrieking," Time for fun". My nightmares were becoming true.

I was at the center of the stage. Those few seconds were catastrophic. Few seconds seemed like few decades… I struggled to speak and came crying to the seat. My friend shouted," I told you Na…You can't speak".

That was the beginning of things to come in my life.

Every time I tried to get on the stage, I was denied. My teachers said patently," No time for stammering". I was labeled as a student with severe stammering.

I wanted to delete my nightmares by speaking fluently in front of a group. As I got into college, things went from bad to worse.  There was no freedom from these nightmares. Telephone conservations, Viva Sessions in practical tests, getting tickets in trains, teaching difficult topics to my friends worsened my life. Life was getting dark. My dream of speaking in front of a group was slowly fading away. But, I was definitely clinging on to the dream. I contested for class leader's position in my first and second year. But, I could not speak properly.

A plethora of speech therapy books and speech techniques by my personal speech therapist kept me ticking. But, the dream of speaking fluently in front of a group was still a far cry. It looked beyond me. I believed in speech therapy sessions and a few tongue twisters.. I was contesting for class leader position in my third year. My friends told me," Please do not try speaking in front of a group. Give up on your dreams". But, I did not give up.There was a voice inside me that said," Keep trying.Cling on to the dream"

 After two years of persistence with my speech therapy methods and a bit of toastmastering, I gave a decent fluent speech in front of a group of 45 students in my college.

I felt on top of the world after giving my first fluent speech. It was fascinating.

Giving up would have made my life miserable, boring and gloomy.

There was a choice in my life,To give up or to cling on to the dream. I chose not to give up and it turned out to be a wise decision.

pain

I studied in a strict school for 2 years in +1 and +2. It was a tough school to study. Teachers would be walking with sticks in hand, Students were treated like prisoners.

I was supposed to wear a tie, tuck in my shirt and wear my shoes.

 There were cameras along the staircase and in the class. Fortunately, I was promoted to the toppers class. Toppers class had girls as well as boys in it . But, we were not permitted to speak with the girls. But, it was like rat race. The competition was very intense. We were competing for the top place in school. It was pre final test and the test was Physics. I entered into the room with confidence. When I received the question paper, I had a sigh of relief. It wasn’t a tough nut to crack. I wasted 10 minutes in a 3 mark question.It was a baffling problem.In short,it was a labyrinth. I somehow managed to complete it in 10 minutes.

I started scribbling as I was short of time.

 I had only 2 minutes left for the test. I had to complete one 10 mark in 2 minutes. I started scribbling it. Before I could complete the paragraph, the supervisor whisked away the sheet. I couldn’t complete the paper. I was confident on getting at least 90 percent.

Papers were distributed on next day personally by the teacher. It was my turn to get the paper.

The staff told me,” Show me your right hand”.

I thought he was going to give me a chocolate. I showed him the palms and closed my eyes.

After a few seconds, there was a loud noise and I was shouting like a donkey in pain. As I opened my eyes, I saw a swelling in my palms. My palms became red. Getting blows was a normal one, but this was a monstrous one. Tears were running like a waterfall from my cheeks. It was stinging like a snake’s poison.

I thought that I had failed in the test. When I got the paper in palms, I was dumbstruck. I got 190 out of 200…95 percentage to be precise…Was it Mediocre? Was it poor? 

The obvious replies were NO. I was wondering to myself,”What  was the reason?”

He came to me and told,” Right fast or perish”.

I nodded my head in pain.

I went to my home and felt ashamed of myself. It was an embarrassing blow. I took it as a challenge and started studying for the test seriously. I badly wanted to prove my worth to my physics teacher..

20 days passed and it was public examination. I entered the room in despair whereas my friends entered with a broad smile. It was a tough nut to crack, but I wrote well and completed on time. I was smiling whereas my friends were sad.

2 months on and it was the D-day.. Results were announced. I got 98 percent in physics.

All the blows disappeared like a ghost. My parents were smiling as usual. I took my phone and called the physics teacher, “Thank you for the blow”.

The reply was,” Congrats!!!! I’m really sorry for the pain.”. He continued, “Sometimes in life, pain is needed to make you stronger. All the best for your future”.

It was an important conversation in life.

There are always tough situations in my life. After listening to my physics teacher's advice, I started enjoying pain in my life. "Pain is Pleasure" can be a cliche. But, it is definitely a valid point.

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Classification of human beings

According to hinduism, human beings are classified into three different ways:
 1.Tamasic
 2. Rajasic
3. Satvic

A Tamasic person is characterized by lazyness and inactivity whereas a rajasic person zestful person with a plethora of desires.A Satvic person is an embodiment of calmness and he is a perfectionist. Only one in  10 million achieve the satvic state. The satvic state can look similar to the tamasic state,but there are a cornucopia of differences between them. The movement to a satvic state is similar to climbing a ladder. The lowest state is tamasic state and the highest state is the satvic state.
A few years back, I was enthralled by these three states. I was part of an organization called as "Prajapita B
rhama Kumaris" which focused on getting to the satvic state. But, I did not fit into the organization as it was not convincing. The teachings were designed only for enlightened beings.People misunderstood the satvic  state to the tamasic state and I wasn't an exception to it.
I was told to be in soul consciousness.I tried to be in the soul consciousness only to see my grades declining at a rapid rate just like a water fall.One of my relatives advised me to refer swami vivekananda's books in chaotic times.I managed to find a small book called "Religion of Love" by swami Vivekananda.I misunderstood the credibility of the book by its size and the total number of pages.I critically analyzed about the three different states in the book. On deep introspection, I found out that I was actually living in the tamasic state rather than the satvic state. I was trying to find ways to move up the ladder. To move from tamasic to rajasic state, a person should have the desire to succeed in all activities. I started following the new strategy in my final semester. It is never too late to change. I got scintillating scores in gre and toefl as well as best speaker ribbons in toastmasters.
I need to continue in the rajasic state for a few years to move into the satvic state.